Twenty-eight years ago, I experienced my first bout of real anxiety. I had my first child. images.jpgWhile I didn’t suffer from postpartum depression, I felt 100% all over the place.   I am a highly disciplined person who relishes in routines and predictability.  This new baby threw a monkey wrench into my life—every day was different, there was no routine to be found, and predictability? FORGET IT! I yearned for structure so that I could feel like me again.

In order to cope, I put myself on a schedule. Every day I woke up, did some form of exercise, showered, and put on make-up. In my mind, I had to accomplish this all by noon. In essence, I was rushing to go nowhere.  And yet I persevered. I remember so clearly holding my daughter and looking down at her beautiful face,  at noon,  and saying “Ok, Jess……now what?” Yet this ridiculous routine calmed me down.

Let’s flash forward to today and what’s going on with this crazy coronavirus. Once again, that same anxiety is back. I feel 100% all over the place because nothing is normal. Not surprisingly, I am behaving very similarly to the way I reacted when Jess was born. I am clinging to my regular routines. I have to confess that I’m still getting about of bed at 5 am and doing food prep when I certainly don’t have to! And yes, this wacko behavior is somehow calming me down.

Last thought. I was always amazed at how long it took to get out the door when I had that first newborn. The diaper bag had to be fully loaded—I had to always check if everything was in there. Now, when I leave the house, it seems no different. Gloves? Check! Mask? Check! Wipes? Check! Hand sanitizer? Check! Same stress, different reason.

Be safe! Stay healthy! XOXO



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